Why I Bother
by Midget Munchkin
Summary: Matt writes a diary entry on Izzy's computer. This is set in 01 and it has shounen ai but it's not Taito.


Why I Bother  
  
Midget: The idea for this was bugging me so I had to write it. I'm a fan of the Yamashiro couple, I admit it. Since I don't see very many of them I decided to post it. I welcome comments and constructive criticism, but please don't bother flaming me. I have a twisted sense of humor at times so you never know where you'll see those words again.*evil grin* Flames are pointless wastes of time but since I don't like wasting things I'm sure I could find a use for them. The warning below is in big, capitol letters so that you can't miss it.  
  
WARNING: THIS IS SHOUNEN AI! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT OR CAN'T HANDLE IT, PLEASE LEAVE! NOW!!  
  
Now that I have hopefully gotten my point across, on to the fic.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in here.  
  
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Dear Journal(Whatever),  
  
This has got to be the stupidest idea I have let Gabumon or my brother talk me into! They say I've got 'issues' to deal with. They don't know the half of it! Besides, everyone has 'issues' to deal with! That's part of life. The two of them have something specific in mind, though. They think I'll write down the reason I argue with Tai most of the time. Well, I've got news for them. I don't have A reason for fighting with Tai. I have SEVERAL reasons for fighting with that loud-mouthed, inconsiderate, big-headed jerk! You want to know them? FINE! Here they are:  
  
1) From the very beginning he's always managed to get us into trouble. Think about it. Who's the one that gets into more scrapes than anyone else? Tai! And why does he get into more scrapes than the rest of us? That's my next reason.  
  
2) He's always being careless! Always! Does he ever stop to consider the situation? No! He just goes off and does something. Like the time he decided to go running with War Greymon toward Etemon. His actions caused the two of them to disappear and the rest of us to split up, which made us have to go through the trouble of finding everyone! Did he think about what could have happened then? No! He just disregarded the possible consequences. Or what about that time when he made Agumon turn into Skull Greymon? He tried to make Agumon fight when he couldn't and look at the mess he made!  
  
3) Another reason is that Tai has got to be one of the most inconsiderate people I have ever met! He's so bad he seems almost selfish at times. His whole world revolves around three things: what he wants, what he cares about, and what he thinks. That's it! What he wants is either to go home or to fight. The first is understandable, but the second? I know we can only go home if we defeat the Dark Masters and all, but that doesn't mean we have to fight all the time! Some of us aren't single-minded like him. And what's so great about that desire? It's Agumon who fights, not him! The only things Tai seems to REALLY care about are himself, his sister, and Agumon. Occasionally he'll show some caring toward Sora or, if we're really lucky, the group as a whole. Some luck! Sometimes I think the only reason he's fighting in the first place is so that he can go home. What Tai thinks about is a mystery. I can barely credit that he does think at all sometimes. The only intelligent words he ever says have to do with fighting. Fighting. How I despise that word! From the time I was small I've been surrounded by it. It's like I can never get any peace! But that's a different story all together.  
  
4) His absolute arrogance astounds me! He even beats me, and I have to admit that that's saying something! At least I have a reason for mine! I do it to keep people away. I've found that few people like someone if they're arrogant or cold. Does Tai have a reason? I don't see any. And his arrogance isn't just about himself. He loves to think that Agumon can take of almost anything by himself. Well, maybe for a little while, but not for long. If just one Digimon were powerful enough to take care of it all, why would the rest of us be here? And another thing that gets me is why he tries to make all the decisions for us. If this were a real 'team' we'd be making at least the important decisions together. Unfortunately, it seems pretty unlikely that he even knows how to do that.  
  
5) One of the things that bugs me the most is the way he treats the rest of us. It's infuriating! Not to mention often hypocritical! Take Izzy and T.K for an example. Tai treats T.K. almost like an equal. It's probably because their on the same level mentally and maturely. Izzy is another matter entirely. Poor Izzy is more mature and more intelligent than our self-absorbed leader, yet he still gets treated like a little kid! Tai seems to think that he can't do much of anything except maybe type on the computer or provide back-up. There's more to Izzy than that! The way Tai treats Mimi I can't really complain about too much. She can be a bit of a ditz and her wining can get to be irritating. But I still think he could consider her and her feelings more. He doesn't have to be so heartless.   
Tai usually ignores Joe as best he can. I can't really blame him here, though. I often ignore him too. All of his whining can get on your nerves! Actually, he's not that bad. He's been the voice of responsibility and reason several times. The guy needs to relax more, but nevermind that. This is supposed to be about Tai.  
  
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"Hey, Matt, are you done yet," Izzy asks curiously. He's been fidgeting just a few yards away, itching to get his laptop back.  
  
"Almost, Izzy," I answer without looking up. I lower my head, trying to hide behind the view screen so that he won't see my blush.  
  
"You've been writing on that for a pretty long time, you know," he informs me, obviously trying to reign in his impatience. His bright eyes ensnare mine for a moment. "What's taking so long?"  
  
"Uh..., I'm just trying to decide if I want to write everything now," I say sheepishly, praying that he believes me. "I mean, what if T.K. or Gabumon got into this?"  
  
"Aren't you worried about Tai getting a hold of it," Joe asks curiously.  
  
"No," I respond dryly. "He probably doesn't even know how to turn it on, much less access the file."  
  
"It wouldn't matter anyways because I wouldn't let him touch my computer," Izzy says firmly. "Not after he threatened to hit it!"  
  
"You're not still carrying that against him, are you," Joe asks incredulously.  
  
I turn back to the computer screen, letting their words fade away. *Should I put the most important reason down?*  
  
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6) The last, and most important, reasons I fight with Tai isn't actually Tai's fault. I know it's childish of me, but I can't seem to help it. You see, I'm kind of jealous of Tai. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to BE Tai. Not in a million years. But I would like to trade places with him. Or at least have some of his abilities. He can treat T.K. like a big brother should, but I can't. All I can do is treat him like a kid. No wonder T.K. resents me and prefers to be around Tai. I also wish I had some of his self confidence. Then maybe I could cope with things better. Maybe even be able to show my real self instead of the arrogant rebel I hide behind. But as important as those things are, they pale in comparison to the biggest reason. And that is Izzy. Izzy is always hanging around him, helping him. He sits by him, walks by him, and follows him. All I can do is watch and wish that Izzy would do the same for me. I want to spend time with, just sitting and talking or whatever. It doesn't even matter, just as long as he's with me. But it wouldn't matter if he did, because his thoughts would be on Tai, anyways. That's what makes me so angry that I lash out so intensely. The rest of that stuff makes me mad, but it's these last two that really cut deep. Tai actually isn't that bad. Nobody's perfect, least of all me. Mostly I just try to get him to think about the stuff he misses. You know, consider the effects and stuff. I may fight with him, but I wouldn't really want him hurt, if only for Izzy's sake. Tai's a good friend, though, even if he has his rough edges. Maybe that's why it hurts so much to know that Izzy is in love with him and not me. He's of my best friends now and a pretty good guy, so I can't even say anything about it. They both deserve to be happy. I just wish....  
  
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Putting his thoughts into words brought them too close to the surface. Scanning over the long paragraph, he suddenly felt very nervous about leaving it. He went to highlight the words, intending to delete them, when a nearby sound made everyone freeze.  
  
"What was that," Joe asks in a frightened voice.  
  
"I don't know, but I think someone should check it out," Tai announces, standing up with that determined look on his face. The light of battle was in his eyes. "Come on, Agumon! Let's get whoever it is!"  
  
*Great! Here we go again!* Muttering to myself, I set the laptop aside.  
  
"Hold on, genius," I say sarcastically. "Don't you think we ought to see if it's friendly first? You can't just go around attacking anyone or anything!"  
  
"Yeah, and what if you need back-up," Sora asks sensibly. "I think a few of us should go and the rest stay here. That way we still have someone to call on for help if things get bad."  
  
"Tentomon and I will help out," Izzy announces, picking his computer up. He glanced at it, then typed a few things before closing it.  
  
"No, you stay here and help T.K. protect Kari," Tai says blithely. "Agumon should be able to handle this with no problem!"  
  
"Does that mean I can stay here, too," Mimi asks hopefully. "My feet still hurt."  
  
"Mine, too," Joe added. "I'll stay here, also."  
  
"Well, I'm going," I announce stubbornly.  
  
"Me too," Sora chimes in brightly. "I'm sure Agumon, Gabumon, and Biyomon will be enough to defeat whoever it is."  
  
"Then let's go already," Tai says impatiently. He mumbles something that sounded like 'War Greymon doesn't need anybody's help. He'll take care of whoever it is all by himself!'  
  
*Yeah, whatever.* I don't say anything as I follow him into the bushes. Whoever is out there is probably listening and I'd rather not become a target just yet. *Well, here we go again. Just another day in this digital 'paradise'.*  
  
Tai charges ahead like an elephant on the war path, Agumon right behind him. All I can do is sigh before I have to start running just to keep him in sight. *Sometimes even I don't know why I bother! He's just going to get himself hurt, anyways!*  
  
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Please review and tell me what you think. This is my first attempt at shounen ai so I need to know if it's okay. I was thinking about writing a sequel, but I'm not sure. Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Bye!  
  



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